


Recovering

by AnnaRaven



Series: Tumblr Smut Prompts [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Blow Jobs, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mentions of PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:38:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9544241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaRaven/pseuds/AnnaRaven
Summary: Written for a Tumblr MShenko smut prompt: "How about some post-war recovery stuff?  Life is finally starting to normalise again but sex has been out of the picture for a long time.  Maybe a special night out that ends as a special night in.  :D"NSFW, set post-ME3.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Kaidan's PTSD is mentioned although he's in recovery; I've tried to be sensitive about it and haven't gone into detail - this is just a piece of smut, after all - but I know it's a serious issue for many people so if there's a chance it might bother you, please don't read on.

Kaidan blinked awake, groggy and disoriented. He turned to Shepard’s side of the bed but his reaching arm found empty air.

He sat up and looked at the bedside clock; 3.16am. Concern began worming its way into his chest; the only reasons he could think of for Shepard to be up at this time were pain from his injured back and shoulder, healed now but still not quite right, or a recurrence of the nightmares that had plagued him for weeks after he was pulled from the rubble of the Citadel.

Kaidan rubbed his bleary eyes and got out of bed, pulling on his robe and tying it loosely as he checked their en-suite bathroom. Finding it empty, he padded down the hallway to the kitchen. Everything was dark and still, the dishwasher humming softly as it neared the end of its cleaning cycle. Kaidan frowned; when Shepard couldn’t sleep he usually brewed a pot of coffee and sat at the kitchen island to read, regardless of the hour or how many times Kaidan asked Shepard to wake him.

The only other place to check in their apartment was the living room, and Kaidan was surprised by the spike of anxiety as he slowly, quietly, pushed the door open.

Shepard was sitting on the chair facing away from the door, his silhouette outlined in light by the tablet he was holding in front of him. Kaidan took a step closer and saw, over Shepard’s shoulder, a picture of a naked man and woman embracing.

Kaidan’s stomach flooded with ice, shame and guilt and horror rushing through his blood. He felt like such a failure, suddenly, his insecurities rushing him like a horde of husks. Shepard was out here looking at porn in the middle of the night because Kaidan hadn’t been able to have sex in months, ever since London and the Reapers and finding Shepard’s mangled body under a heap of rubble and shattered glass.

Kaidan took a step back, meaning to flee to the safety of their bed and pretend he hadn’t seen a thing, but a broken little noise escaped his lips before he could bite it off.

Shepard turned whip-fast, guilt etched all over his face. “Kaidan,” he said. “Shit, I didn’t know you were there.” He put down the pad and stood, started walking towards Kaidan. “Look, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea – I’m not looking at this because I’m going to start pushing you for anything - ”

“John, it’s fine,” Kaidan interrupted, mortified. “You don’t have to justify looking at…at that stuff. I understand it must be hard for you to be with me when I don’t…when I can’t…” A bitter laugh bubbled out of him. “Hell, it’s been six months, John. A guy with your sex drive, I’m amazed you haven’t done this sooner. Or…shit, is this not the first time?”

Shepard frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s okay if it’s not,” Kaidan said, looking away. “You have needs, and there’s nothing wrong with watching porn…I just, I guess I wish you’d talked to me about it first, that’s all.”

Shepard laughed, a short bark, and Kaidan felt the stirrings of anger until Shepard said, “Fuck, K, I’m not looking at _porn_.” He bent over the back of the chair to retrieve the pad and showed it to Kaidan; it was open on an extranet article titled _Sexual Desire, Function and Combat PTSD_.

“Oh. Right,” Kaidan said, then frowned again. “Actually, I don’t know if that makes me feel a whole lot better. You still could have said something if you had a problem with me.”

“I don’t have a problem with you,” Shepard said, carelessly chucking the pad aside. “I’m not reading this stuff so I can find out when I’m likely to start getting some again; this is about me wanting to help you with something that’s clearly bothering you. It’s been hard for you to talk about, I get that, and I’m way better with a gun than with words, so…I thought if I did a little research, it might help me to understand what you’re going through.” He reached out, trailed a hand down Kaidan’s arm and tangled their fingers together. “I love you, K. Always have, always will, even if we can never fuck again.” He winced at the bluntness of it, but it made Kaidan laugh.

“I don’t think it’s that drastic,” Kaidan said, stepping closer and letting Shepard take his other hand. “The therapy is helping, and I think switching my meds is going to start making a difference soon. And I miss it too, you know…being with you, I mean. I just can’t…it’s like a switch goes off in my head, and I hate it and I don’t want to be this way but I can’t control it…”

“Hey, stop,” Shepard said, taking Kaidan’s face firmly in both hands and forcing him to meet his eyes. “Look at me, K – do you see any judgement here? Any annoyance, or impatience?”

“For once, no,” Kaidan said with a small smile.

“Funny,” Shepard said flatly. “I’m here with you now, and I will be tomorrow, and I will be on the day you’re ready to have sex again, whenever that may be. Are we clear?”

“Yeah,” Kaidan said, squeezing Shepard’s hands, his voice just a little bit husky. “I love you so much, John.”

“You’re only human,” Shepard shrugged, and Kaidan laughed and shoved him away, and they went back to bed together still smiling. And when Shepard slung one arm over Kaidan’s waist the way he always used to, Kaidan found to his surprise that rather than feeling smothered, trapped, like he had every time for the last six months, he felt safe and protected; loved; valued.

Shepard must have sensed it, snuggling closer, the front of his thighs just brushing the back of Kaidan’s, the heat of his body warm against his back. “It’s our anniversary in six weeks,” he said softly, his breath brushing Kaidan’s ear.

“I know,” Kaidan murmured. “You’re the only who always forgets, not me.”

“How about a date night?” Shepard asked, ignoring the dig. “I’ll book a table at that Turkish place you like so much.”

Kaidan smiled into the darkness. “Yeah. That would be perfect.”

* * *

 

Kaidan straightened his shirt cuffs under his jacket sleeves, pulling his watch back when it twisted around his wrist. He checked the time and rolled his eyes, calling, “John, for the last time, we’re already late! What the hell is taking you so long?”

Shepard sauntered out into the hallway, casual and unruffled. “It takes time to get this gorgeous, K,” he said with a cocky grin.

Kaidan looked him up and down, swallowing involuntarily. Shepard was wearing an outfit he’d never seen before: a crisp black shirt, unbuttoned past his collarbone; a grey jacket in a fine tweed that made his eyes bluer than ever; and black pants that followed the lines of his muscular legs, perfectly fitted without clinging. When Shepard spun slowly to show off, loving the attention, Kaidan’s eyes were drawn irresistibly to the curve of his ass.

“You look…uh…” Kaidan stuttered into silence, a little taken aback by the sudden desire that caught hold of him. It had been so long since he’d felt like this; his sex drive had been basically non-existent for months, his love for Shepard undimmed but his body refusing to respond like it used to. But he’d been talking it through with his therapist since the night he found Shepard reading up on the issue, speaking to Shepard honestly about his struggles for the first time. And now, seeing Shepard dressed up for him, eyes bright and smile dazzling, Kaidan felt that same old lust that used to set his body on fire whenever Shepard was around.

Shepard walked closer, one hand lifting to brush Kaidan’s shirt collar. “You look great, K,” Shepard said. “Very hot.” He leaned in to press a kiss to Kaidan’s cheek, respectful of how his partner had been feeling lately.

But Kaidan turned his face, let Shepard’s lips land on his mouth. His head was swimming just a touch, the heat in his belly familiar but somehow new, too. Shepard made a pleased, surprised noise in the back of his throat but let Kaidan set the pace, not pushing for more.

Kaidan stepped closer until their chests were touching, raising a hand to trace Shepard’s cheekbone. “I’ve missed you,” he said softly, and pressed his mouth to Shepard’s. He let his lips part, felt Shepard’s tongue flicker against them, and grabbed Shepard’s face to deepen the kiss. Shepard’s hands gripped his hips under his jacket, and Kaidan almost laughed out loud at how good it felt to be doing this again after so long.

Shepard pulled back, flushed and gorgeous. “You’re sure you’re ready for this?” he asked, his thumbs stroking Kaidan’s hipbones. “I mean, I’m not complaining, but…I can wait. If you need to.”

“No,” Kaidan said, nuzzling under Shepard’s chin, nipping that spot at the corner of his jaw that always made him shudder. “I’m done with waiting. I want this…I want you.”

“You know we’re going to miss our reservation,” Shepard breathed, his hands moving up to fondle Kaidan’s pecs.

“I really couldn’t give a fuck,” Kaidan said, gripping Shepard’s ass in both hands.

Shepard groaned and sighed, laughing. “I love it when you talk like that,” he said. “It sounds so hot when you’re all…perfect and…groomed and…” He lost the thread as Kaidan pressed his budding erection against Shepard’s groin and licked his collarbone, his mouth moving up the muscled column of his neck as he pushed the jacket off Shepard’s shoulders. Shepard responded by unbuttoning Kaidan’s shirt, smoothing his palms over his body, tracing the line of hairs that vanished under his belt.

“You smell so good,” Kaidan murmured against Shepard’s skin. “And you look…God, John, you look amazing.”

“It’s all for you,” Shepard said, catching Kaidan’s eye.

Kaidan kissed him again, sweet and slow. “I love you.”

“Love you back,” Shepard said. Then he grinned, yanked Kaidan’s belt open and said, “Want me to show you how much?”

“Right here?” Kaidan asked, and it was a laugh and a moan at the same time.

“Good a place as any, if you’re okay with it?” Shepard asked.

Kaidan kissed the concern off his face. “I feel so good right now, I think I’m okay with pretty much anything.”

“Noted,” Shepard said with a wicked grin, gently pushing Kaidan’s back against the wall and going to his knees.

For a second Kaidan felt the first flutterings of panic, that dread of physical intimacy that he’d been carrying for so long. But he refused to acknowledge it, breathing deeply like his therapist had suggested, focusing instead on all the ways it felt good. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the feel of Shepard’s hands pulling his pants and underwear down to his knees, strong fingers stroking the muscle of his thighs. The panic slowly subsided, giving way to a creeping pleasure, soft and warm and wonderfully familiar. The relief was almost overwhelming.

Kaidan pushed the sides of his open shirt out of the way and looked down, watching Shepard kiss the tip of his cock like it was something precious. He shuddered when those full lips closed around him, sliding down his shaft, tongue flickering against his skin.

Shepard looked up at him as he raised his head again, sucking all the way back up to the tip before popping off. “Still okay?”

“All good. You don’t have to keep asking, I’ll tell you if it’s not,” Kaidan smiled, rubbing the stubbled velvet of Shepard’s scalp with one hand.

“Okay. But you’re calling the shots,” Shepard said, smiling slowly as he reached down to cup his erection through the fabric of his pants. He licked along Kaidan’s cock, pressed open-mouthed kisses up its length, flicked his tongue over the slit. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

Kaidan’s breathing was getting ragged, his pulse thundering in his ears. They’d done this so many times before, but somehow it felt like the first time. “I want you to…uh, take off your shirt.”

Shepard sat back on his heels and unbuttoned his shirt, taking his time, teasing Kaidan. When he’d finished he left the shirt hanging closed and unfastened his cuffs, drawing it out, watching Kaidan watching him. Finally he pulled the shirt open, letting it fall off his shoulders.

Kaidan swallowed, mouth a little dry, looking along every line and ridge of Shepard’s body. He’d gained weight steadily since his discharge from the hospital, and since he’d been cleared for physical activity he’d begun swimming every day, weight training with James twice a week, and running whenever he got the chance. His body was different than it used to be, the scars familiar but the shape different, less bulky but more toned.

It was a body that Kaidan wanted to explore, relearn, but that could wait. For now he was enjoying the tease and the lazy, rolling pleasure suffusing every part of him. “Now unfasten your pants, but leave them on.”

Shepard’s grin was lopsided, wolfish, as he did what Kaidan asked. “Should I touch myself?” he asked, shooting for naïve but not quite getting there.

“Yes,” Kaidan said hoarsely. The sight of Shepard on his knees, shirtless, dress pants on and his cock in his fist, made his own dick bob against his stomach, sticky with want. “Fuck, yes…” he breathed. “Now suck me.”

He was expecting a comeback, something cheeky or dirty, but Shepard leaned in immediately and pulled Kaidan’s erection away from his stomach, taking it into his mouth. He bobbed up and back down a few times, taking him a little further each time, until his nose was touching Kaidan’s pubic hair. His fist was pumping his own dick slowly, steadily, and Kaidan watched him smear a bead of precum down the rigid shaft. Then he looked up along Kaidan’s body, making eye contact, staring at his lover as he swallowed around his tip.

“Oh shit… _fuck_ , John,” Kaidan moaned, his cock throbbing against Shepard’s palate. He was so close already, barely holding on, and Shepard kept up the steady pressure and firm suction until Kaidan came, knees shaking, clutching Shepard’s shoulders as he hunched over him.

Shepard continued to suck him gently through the aftershocks, licking and nuzzling until Kaidan pushed at his shoulder. Then he sat back, grinning, and wiped the back of his hand across his lips. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kaidan fell to his knees and kissed him hard before a word got out.

Shepard pulled him close, responding to the sudden burst of passion that was burning Kaidan up. Although he’d just come, Kaidan felt his cock twitch again when Shepard pushed his jacket and shirt off, strong hands sliding down his body to grasp his buttocks firmly.

“You’re so fuckin’ hot, K,” Shepard murmured into Kaidan’s mouth. “I want you so much, all of you, every part…”

Kaidan could only groan in reply, taking hold of Shepard’s cock and jerking it roughly. Shepard gasped and groaned, his fingers tightening and drawing an answering gasp from Kaidan. He let his head drop to Kaidan’s shoulder, breath rushing hot and jagged across his skin, as his hips jerked into Kaidan’s grip. A few strokes more and he came, splashing Kaidan’s hand and stomach. He laughed into Kaidan’s shoulder, relaxing his fingers but still cupping his ass.

“Holy hell, I haven’t come that fast since I was a dumb teenager,” he said, breathless.

“Me neither,” Kaidan said, looking down at the sticky mess on his skin.

Shepard raised his head and followed his gaze. “Yeah, sorry about that,” he said, then a wicked glint came into his eye and he bent down, licking his cum from Kaidan’s skin.

Kaidan laughed, moaned, gripped Shepard’s face and shoulder as his tongue rasped over his stomach. Shepard licked a long stripe up Kaidan’s chest, neck, jaw, biting his ear gently before kissing him again. Kaidan looped his wrists around Shepard’s neck and kissed him back, long and slow and deep and wet.

After forever, Shepard drew back and smiled, warm and unguarded. “That was…intense. I’m so proud of you, K. You’re stronger than anyone I know.”

“Thanks,” Kaidan said, flushing with pleasure. “Though a hot, messy blowjob from the man I love isn’t exactly a hardship.”

“I mean it,” Shepard insisted, touching Kaidan’s lips before pressing a soft, chaste kiss there. “I love you, more than anything. And…” He paused, sitting back to rummage in the pocket of his discarded jacket before returning with a small black box in his hand. “I was going to do this after dessert, and I know this isn’t the most romantic setting, but what the hell.”

“Is that…?” Kaidan was having trouble taking it all in, even as Shepard opened the box to reveal a simple gold ring.

Shepard grinned. “Whaddya say, sexy - wanna get married?”

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Arke over on Tumblr - hope you enjoyed it, lovely! 
> 
> If you're on Tumblr too, pop in and say hi to @missannaraven any time.


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